"This is all we can find." |
The List:
Scuttle
Pluto
A green flower pot
The Result:
"Inside The Impact Zone"
SPECIAL REPORT
AGENT: BARTHOLOMEW SCUTTLE
LOCATION: FLORIDA, USA
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:
AGENT: BARTHOLOMEW SCUTTLE
LOCATION: FLORIDA, USA
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:
“Agent Scuttle, come in, Agent Scuttle!”
“Agent Scuttle, reporting, Sir!”
“Agent Scuttle, this is Commander Whipple; you were supposed
to report in hours ago. What happened?”
“Well, sir, I was going to get around to it, but—“
“Get around to it? Pardon me, Agent, but this is your first
mission in the field, and I can’t have you slacking!”
“I’m not slacking, sir.”
“Then where is your report?”
“I have it right here, sir.”
“Well?”
“Shall I read it to you, sir?”
“That is exactly what you should do, Agent Scuttle.”
“Where shall I start, sir?”
“At the beginning, Agent!”
“All right, Commander Whipple, sir. Investigations began
when NASA interstellar probes detected abnormal activity in the vicinity of
Pluto.”
“We have covered that, Agent Scuttle. Move it along!”
“At precisely 4:27 PM yesterday afternoon, a meteor entered
the atmosphere and struck the ground in Clearwater, Florida.”
“At which point NASA administrators contacted the Federal
Bureau of Investigation, and I sent an agent out to Florida. That would be you,
Agent Scuttle.”
“Yes, sir; thank you, sir.”
“Save your thanks for when I can actually congratulate you
on finishing the job, Agent! Now then, where were we?”
“NASA.”
“Ah yes, continue.”
“I arrived in Florida, sir, and began by making my presence
known to local law enforcement.”
“That wouldn’t be Sheriff Regis Pointer, by any chance?”
“Sheriff Regis Porter is the leading law enforcement officer
in Clearwater, sir.”
“Ha! I’ll be a red dwarf! How is the young whippersnapper?”
“Not so young any more, if you don’t mind my saying, sir.
His wife—“
“Regis is married? Great horse nebula, how the young ones
grow up; what’s she like?”
“Old, sir.”
“Regis took an older wife?”
“Regis took a wife about his own age, sir. As I said before,
Regis is old, too.”
“Impossible! Well, what did old Regis have to say for himself?”
“Nothing, sir.”
“He said nothing? A meteor crashes into his town, and he
says nothing?”
“I’m sorry sir; I mistook your meaning, sir. He had plenty
to say about the meteor, but nothing about himself, sir.”
“I see; well, no harm done. So what did Regis say about the
meteor?”
“Well, he said that the damage was quite extensive.”
“How extensive?”
“The meteor demolished a couple buildings when it landed.”
“A couple buildings? That doesn’t sound very extensive to
me, Agent Scuttle.”
“They were skyscrapers, sir.”
“Pardon, did you say skyscrapers?”
“Yes, sir; the meteor landed in the center of a burgeoning
metropolis. Preliminary assessment seems to indicate that approximately two
skyscrapers, three bridges, and an overall distance of five or six city blocks
were demolished beyond repair.”
“I see; this is very serious indeed.”
“There’s more, sir.”
“What else, Agent Scuttle?”
“When we proceeded into the impact zone, there was something
inside it that shouldn’t have been there.”
“Inside the impact zone?”
“The meteor.”
“You’re saying the meteor should not have been inside the
impact zone?”
“No sir; sorry, sir. I meant that the thing that shouldn’t
have been there was inside the meteor, which was in the crater at the center of
the impact zone.”
“Ah—so what was it?”
“I am not sure, sir.”
“Didn’t you see it?”
“Not directly, sir.”
“What do you mean, Agent Scuttle?”
“They had already extracted it, sir, and kept it under guard
in a large white tent.”
“So?”
“They wouldn’t let me inside, sir.”
“You? Why not?”
“Because I had already seen it.”
“How did you see it if it was inside a tent they wouldn’t
let you enter?”
“Sheriff Regis Pointer had a photograph of the object, sir.”
“A photograph?”
“Yes, he said ‘This is all we could find’ and he handed me
the photograph.”
“I take it you copied the photograph in your report.”
“Yes sir, it’s all there.”
“I see.”
“Do you have it with you, sir?”
“I’m looking at it right now, Agent!”
“Sorry sir; I just—“
“Save it, Agent Scuttle. I don’t know if that pea-brain of
yours can understand this, but… the nature of the information in this
photograph is highly sensitive material—“
“I understand that sir; that is why I engaged in evasive
maneuvers, as per your orders, should sensitive materials ever cross into the
wrong hands.”
“What evasive maneuvers?”
“I made them think that the pot was more important than the
plant.”
“What pot?”
“The pot that held the plant in the meteor.”
“There was a pot?”
“Yes sir, a large round flower pot in a most pleasing shade
of green.”
“And you diverted attention to that?”
“Yes, sir; I merely hinted that perhaps the pot would
provide answers as to the plant’s origin, to throw suspicion off the meteor.”
“And why was this such a good idea to you, Agent Scuttle?”
“Well, sir, I concluded there was a 43-percent chance that
inspection of the pot would prove that it did in fact originate here on
Earth, so it couldn’t possibly have been something that came with the meteor, only got trapped in it at the moment of
impact.”
“……”
“Sir?”
“You idiot!”
“I’m sorry, sir; what did I do, sir?”
“You just might have blown this whole operation, Agent
Scuttle. I hope you’re satisfied with your experiences on this mission, because
you won’t be getting another one! Return to your Base of Operations and I will
confer with my superiors. Tell your unit to stand by for further orders.”
“Yes sir; thank you, sir; we will await your orders, sir.”
“Commence emergency message for the Galactic High Council of
Phyllor. Councilor Gerth, this is Commander Whipple. I’ve been informed by our
undercover agent that Operation Cue-ball did not go as planned; repeat,
Operation Cue-ball is a bust. Based on information imparted to me by my field
agent, we have reason to believe that…. Well, Councilor, I think the wives
know. It is my understanding that they deliberately applied certain—countermeasures, if you will—to the main projectile, thus inviting
suspicion where we had taken great pains to conceal our involvement and make
the whole thing look like a freak accident. As matters stand, the humans are
currently in possession of certain items, which, if the origins are discovered,
could compromise the existence of our whole planet. I intend to instruct my men
to obliterate the evidence at all cost, and withdraw immediately from this
solar system. Recommend that, next time we try an assault like this… could we
at least get someone who can aim properly?
That asteroid our boys shot was completely off the mark! The White House isn’t even in
Florida! Commander Whipple, out.”
Previously in This Series:
#2 "The Artist's Wife"
#1 "Red of Morning"
#3 "Soul Mates"
Previously in This Series:
#2 "The Artist's Wife"
#1 "Red of Morning"
#3 "Soul Mates"
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